Movie Reviews

The Lego Batman Movie (2017) ‘Depressing Millionaires, Child Abuse and 3 Implied Gay Stereotypes All in 1 Hour and 44 Minutes’

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars 3

Well, what can I say about this…

Now, let me be frank, I will be honest in saying that this is practically my first Lego themed movie I’ve ever viewed and I have to say I am not impressed as much as I was expecting.

Usually, I don’t view movies made from toys unless it looks decent enough to keep my interest and this time, the only reason I went was for Batman. I’ve loved Batman for years and I felt like that was the only appeal to me in this aspect, because boy, did I get a shock when I sat in that theater.

Typical, Batman manages to save the city first up. Depression. Depression. VAMPIRE. Depression. Visual cue for painful flashback music to start. Yada. Yada. Yada. You get it. He’s Batman, he’s Bruce Wayne the fucking billionaire on a fucking island in the middle of the fucking ocean, he is supposed to be depressing, but it was a Lego movie. I was under the impression it was supposed to be err…brighter? At least I think.

Then there is the other matter of the Joker and Robin…dear god.

Look, I came for Batman, I didn’t come for theme music (because he has only one track for that), I didn’t come to see the Titanic being paraphrased and acted out (but they did a better job I have to say), I didn’t come for gay stuff (though my half gay little ass didn’t mind one bit, I mean a Pup, a Show Queen and a Bear/Jock? Wow.) and I certainly didn’t come to see a bazillion other franchises clash in the one movie (I mean, come on guys! Jurassic Park, Harry Potter and King Kong? This isn’t an orgy!), but I have to say it wasn’t too bad on all counts.

With Richard Grayson being just that adorable that you can’t help but love him (I could pinch his little cheeks!), Alfred being plain just himself, Bruce Wayne managing to fix his screw ups by the end (most of them) and the combination of all the people of Gotham City (including most of the villains) helping to save the city in parts combined with a lead female not needing to be sexy in order to fulfill her part, this movie was an invigorating experience for me. and I’m glad I went and saw it……….

……………………….

Okay, fuck it, I lied. I didn’t like most of it. I lost all hope in humanity about halfway. If this is our future, I want no part of it. Please, please just give me my Five Nights At Freddy’s movie and I’ll go quietly. Promise.

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