Author Junk

I Was Abused *Not Clickbait*

So. This is happening.
 
I never thought, being the person that I am, that I would ever have to come out and say this, but…I am a survivor of abuse.
 
It’s taken me a long time to admit what I went though behind the scenes and unknowingly to some, that it even was abuse, but seeing all the cases of women who have died from people hurting them…it just makes it more clear and painful than I ever thought before.
 
I don’t want to describe the trauma I went though because I don’t think you /can/ describe something like that or the things that you went though.
All the pain it causes, all the scars it leaves, all the thoughts you end up with during and afterwards. The hurt it causes you every waking moment.
 
When I was finally free, it wasn’t good. Outside I was fine, I made myself look fine so no one would bothering worrying, but inside…I felt like my whole world was caving in around me and I couldn’t stop it.
I was suicidal. I was depressed. I was angry and I was scared.
 
I will always have those scars I guess.
They will heal, perhaps in time, but they will never leave.
 
Even worse is that I know who they were and I thought I could trust them, I’ve never trusted anyone. Ever. Even my own Mum.
 
On top of that, if I were to say the things he did to me…I would lose more than just my mind again remembering, I would lose people that mean a lot to me, which might be a price I have to pay in order to have peace.
 
It’s a thought that lingers with me all the time.
 
So, given whats been happening in the news recently and also, my recovery having been started, but still going, it was time to share my story. Please believe me when I say, that there were a lot of tears shed to get here right now.
 
#whiteribbon
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